Hollywood Liberal Ebert Attacks Ferret! Ferret answers: Fat Hollywood Pornographers will be banned from Mayor Ferret's Sanitized Salt Lake City!
Crazy Rocky Anderson Awards Benefits to Gay and Lesbian Domestic Partners! Ferret Responds: This is shameful! As Mayor I will cut benefits to all city employees to save money and lower taxes!
Arch-liberal Rocky Anderson Attacks Our Heroic Great Leader!!!!
Wimpy Anderson Apologizes for Abusing Staff! Ferret pledges: I'll never say 'I'm sorry' like a girlie man!!
Why is Ferret Running for Mayor?
"I'm running for mayor because Salt Lake City has been run by a tree-hugging, radical, hippy liberal for too long.
"Our city has wasted taxpayer money on frivolous projects like the so-called Big Nose Division! It has supported lawless and large-nosed vigilantes who terrify our citizenry with their big nostrils for too long!
"It's time to return conservative compassion to our government.
"Help me give this city a nose job! Vote for me and a Saner Sanitized Salt Lake City!"
--- Your Friend, The Ferret
