Why is Ferret Running for Mayor?
"I'm running for mayor because Salt Lake City has been run by a tree-hugging, radical, hippy liberal for too long.
"Our city has wasted taxpayer money on frivolous projects like the so-called Big Nose Division! It has supported lawless and large-nosed vigilantes who terrify our citizenry with their big nostrils for too long!
"It's time to return conservative compassion to our government.
"Help me give this city a nose job! Vote for me and a Saner Sanitized Salt Lake City!"
--- Your Friend, The Ferret